Being An Overcomer

I am an over comer of many different types of abuse, for many years, while growing up.  I have written numerous poems about all sorts of obstacles that people might face from having been abused. Most of the obstacles are ones that I faced because of having been abused by so many different people in my life. There were so many different poems about these issues and obstacles that I actually have a web site where I have posted quite a few of the poems.

One of the poems is titled “If Kids Don’t Tell”. I wrote it back in 1989. I have copied it below.

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IF  KIDS  DON”T  TELL

If “Kids Don’t Tell”, as has often been said,

That means they close up and hold it inside instead.

Then they life an awful life,

Knowing deep within something isn’t right.

They never seem to fit on anybody’s team.

And they grow up having no self esteem.

For theirs is a life of confusion and pain,

And how from this, can any self-worth be gained.

So they go on like this for many many years,

Always only having heartaches and fears.

And when finally what’s inside, like a volcano does erupt,

This adult/child’s world suddenly turns bottoms up.

So to heartaches and fears gets added shame,

And an even different kind of pain.

There is no way to tell or convince these people that they have any worth,

For with the volcano of memories came a feeling of being dirtier than dirt.

They go through sleepless nights from the nightmares and dreams.

Life keeps getting harder and harder as they feel they’re parting at the seams.

It’s hard to hear what people say without bursting into tears,

To feel that inner rage and not be overcome by fears.

To think that these people have gone through years of a living hell,

Just because it was true, that in many cases “Kids Don’t Tell”.

Bonnie Jean

One Whose Been There

September 23, 1989

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When I wrote the poem, I was going through one of the worst times in my life. The volcano of memories, that I had buried for 20 years, had just erupted. For all intents and purposes, I just shut down. My life consisted of being in the hospital for two weeks at a time, every two to three months, to work on all of the memories.

One of my abusers was a mental health nurse, that worked with the Public Health Department where I lived. I had been taken away from my family because of an abusive step-father. I could not return to them after that. I went to live with the nurse as a live-in-babysitter for her two little girls. I had barely been there two and a half months when she started sexually abusing me too. I went into shock. She was scared that I had died and kept telling me to breathe, blink my eyes, sneeze, just do something to let her know that I was still alive. She promised me that if I would just let her know that I was alive, that she would not “get” me ever again. After what seemed an eternity, I did finally breathe. It was barely two months later when she “got” me again.

At that time, I asked her what she would do if I told on her. She told me that since I was a mental health patient and she was a mental health nurse, all she had to do was to deny it and everybody would believe her over me any day of the week. She went on to say too that I would be committed for the rest of my life if I told on her. Then she warned me not to tell on her by saying, “So if I was you, I wouldn’t try it.” I didn’t tell. I did a total about face turn around, and made her out to be a saint.

I moved out of state when I got married. It was twenty years after the nurse first “got” me when someone started working where I worked that could have been her twin. After three weeks of seeing her everyday, I couldn’t take it anymore. I attempted suicide. So far as I was concerned it would be better for me to be dead than to be committed for the rest of my life. I ended up in coronary intensive care for four days and the final result was an irregular heart beat. The doctors told me that I was very lucky to have survived the attempt.

That was when the two week admissions to the behavioral health center for two weeks every two to three months started. I was put on short term disability at work for six months, and then put on long term disability after the six months was up. The long term disability lasted for four years.

During the time that I was on long term disability, I ended up with asthma, bronchitis, and mico-plasm pneumonia, all at the same time. I was visiting my family at the time. I had to stay an additional two weeks. That was in March and April of 1990, during Easter of that year. When I was allowed to return home, I was being rushed to the hospital every 7 to 10 days with asthma attacks so bad that I couldn’t breathe.

Besides my full-time permanent job, I also had a permanent part-time job. I was working from 60 to 70 hours a week. There was one week that I actually worked a total of 100 hours. Needless to say, you can’t work being rushed to the hospital every 7 to 10 days. On June 9, 1990 I lost both of my jobs. My whole world seemed like it was crumbling in on me. But I persevered. I was an “overcomer”.

A while back I heard the lyrics to a song titled “OVERCOMER” written by MANDISA, and I actually had chills up and down my spine. It was because of all of the trials and tribulations  that I have been through, that the song touched me so immensely. When I first heard it, I knew that some time or another, and some way or another, I had to use it in one of my posts on this web site. Obviously, now is the time. I hope it makes others feel as strong, for having made it through unimaginable trials and tribulations, as what it made me feel.

 

MANDISA LYRICS for Overcomer

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing’s really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He’s not gonna let it get the best of you

[Chorus:]
You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

Everybody’s been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, you’re not alone
Just take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants You to know

[Chorus]

The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
He’s living inside of You
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There’s nothing He can’t do
He’s telling you

(Take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises)

[Chorus]

You’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

So don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

 

Thanks to Kat for adding these lyrics.
Thanks to Kaylie Cross, Anonymous Christian for correcting these lyrics.

Writer(s): David Arthur Garcia
Copyright: D Soul Music, Universal Music – Brentwood Benson Publ.