There was a picture of a poster that read something like this, “Quarantine has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told ‘no’ if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.”
This sounds about right. Instead of losing weight, like I need to, I have gained 10-15 pounds since the COVID-19 quarantine started in March. And that’s awful. If this thing goes on until 2022, like some people have predicted, I may end up over 300 pounds instead of down to 200 pounds, like I need to be.
A cranky older woman “in her senior years” was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches you old fool.”
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, “Nine! But why do you care about that?”
The judge answered patiently, “Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for each peach.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
“Yes sir, what do you have to add?”
The husband said meekly, “Your Honor, she also stole two cans of peas.”
When you are on a diet, and you go into a bakery, this is the reply you may receive if you actually did ask that question. I can picture it in my mind now. But, I guess it could have been worse. The lady behind the counter could have said, “I’ll fill a bag with our sweet smelling air, and you can imagine you are about to eat one of the goodies, that you can’t have on a diet.”