You Need To Set High Goals For Yourself

There is a poem that I heard years ago. For whatever reason, the poem has intrigued me every time that I have thought about it. The poem has helped me through things that not many people have thought that I could do.

The title of this blog is an excerpt from the introduction to the poem. The full introduction is, “Be positive, set high goals for yourself and expect the same of others.”

The title of the poem is, “It Couldn’t Be Done”, the Author is Edgar A. Guest. I have copied the poem below.

       It Couldn’t Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done
      But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
      Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
      On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
      That couldn’t be done, and he did it!
Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
      At least no one ever has done it;”
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat
      And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
      Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
      That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
      There are thousands to prophesy failure,
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
      The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
      Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing
      That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.
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There is one other thing that has helped to give me a push. I first heard this song and watched the cartoon when I was four or five years old. It’s the song about the little engine that could. I looked up the lyrics and copied them here. The song was written by Watty Piper in 1930 and was sung by Burl Ives in the cartoon that I saw.

The Little Engine That Could

There was a little railroad train with loads and loads of toys
All starting out to find a home with little girls and boys
And as that little railroad train began to chug along
The little engine up in front was heard to sing this song

Choo choo, choo choo, choo choo, choo choo, I feel so good today
Oh, clear the track, oh clickety clack, Ill go my merry way

The little train went roaring on, so fast, it seemed to fly
Until it reached a mountain rising almost to the sky
The little engine moaned and groaned and huffed and puffed away
But halfway to the top it just gave up and seemed to say

I cant go on, I cant go on, Im weary as can be
I cant go on, I cant go on, this job is not for me

The toys got out to push but all in vain alas, alack
And then a great big engine came a whistling down the track
They asked if it would kindly pull them up the mountain side
But with a high and mighty sneer it scornfully replied

Dont bother me, dont bother me to pull the likes of you
Dont bother me, dont bother me, Ive better things to do

The toys all started crying cause that engine was so mean
And then there came another one, the smallest ever seen
But though it seemed that she could hardly pull herself along
She hitched on to the train and as she pulled she sang this song

I think I can, I think I can, I think I have a plan
And I can do ‘most anything if I only think I can

Then up that great big mountain with the cars all full of toys
And soon they reached the waiting arms of happy girls and boy
And though that ends the story it will do you lots of good
To take a lesson from the little engine that could

Just think you can, just think you can, just have that understood
And very soon youll start to say, I always knew I could

I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could
I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could

Songwriters

Read more: Burl Ives – The Little Engine That Could Lyrics | MetroLyrics

The moral of both instances is to never give up, and always have confidence in yourself. Even if you fail, you learn from the failure what not to do the next time. You need to try, whatever it was that you failed to do, yet another time. And if by chance you fail again, do it over another time. Never, never, never give up.

 

This also backs up, to a degree, a poem that I wrote many years ago titled “Winners Never Quit And Quitters Never Win”. I have referred to the poem before, and copied it for my readers, but it is one of those things that can be copied every now and then just to refresh my readers memories. I am copying it here again.

WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN

Winners never quit and quitters never win,

For if you’re a quitter then you’ve stopped trying and given in.

A fighter never won a fight with delivering a powerful blow.

A runner never won a race by running very slow.

This is how it goes in everyone’s life,

Even in the middle of turmoil and strife.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Is a phrase that helps people do a lot of growing.

They say “The best things in life are free.”,

And that “No one ever said the way would be easy.”

There are so many different walks in life,

Here too you have to decide what for you will be right.

If by chance the first one you choose doesn’t work,

Don’t be a quitter but a winner and for another one look.

For you can’t give up if you want to win,

Because winners never quit and quitters never win.

ONE WHO IS GOING TO BE A WINNER

Bonnie Jean

November 11, 1989

This poem won an Honorable Mention March 31, 1991 from the World Of Poetry.

 

 

Which Has A Greater Impact – Those People Known Short or Long Time?

The article below the first divider line, and the picture with the message in it, were on Facebook a while back. I felt that the message was a very important one, and one that needed to be expounded upon. What I wrote is below the divider line.

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There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. When other people treat you poorly, walk away, smile, and keep being YOU. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.

Impact From Short relationships vs Impact From Long relationships

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Long time friends are friends that have been with you for many years, and are always there for you. Like I have heard people say, “A Good Friend will visit you in jail, but a Best Friend will stay with you in jail.”

Some friends have been with you ever since you can remember what friends were all about. They build you up, and you learn from them constantly. They also let you know when you are doing things that are not so nice. Even though what they tell you may hurt, you listen to them, because you know that they are telling you whatever it is for your own good and with love in their hearts. They only want what is best for you. You know without a shadow of a doubt that they were put in your life for a reason. The love that you have between you is like the love I wrote about in the poem below.

THE  GROWING  LOVE

There is a special kind of love.

You find it among close friends.

This is called a growing love,

The kind that never ends.

Sometimes you think it’s gone away.

But it’s only taking a rest.

This love is here to stay.

It will out stand every test.

It starts out very small,

Like the little buds in spring.

But then it covers all,

Like a Mama bird and her babies with her wings.

With Love,

Bonnie Jean

Here is a poem about friends and loved ones that I wrote many years ago.

FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES

Friends are people who, to you, are near;

Loved ones are people who, to you, are dear

Friends may be loved ones and loved ones may be friends

But with both your love you give and theirs you win

You are a friend and a loved one too

I hope my love is shown to you

You helped me with music and music is dear

For when the heart is sad, music brings it good cheer

Music has helped me and helped you too

So when I hear it or play it I will think of you

Although sometimes we will be far away

The thought of you will never go away

I will never forget you wherever I go

I will send you letters so this you will know

Bonnie Jean

August 20 1972

Below is yet another poem I wrote about friendship. I hope that these three poems have made it clear that we all need friends.

FRIENDSHIP

F un being together

R egardless of the weather

I nterested in similar things

E njoying the happiness that it brings

N eeds are met in a special way

D oing for each other along the way

S tories and secrets easily share

H earts poured out because they care

I nspiration you give and take

P eace is the product that you make

 And when you see what is here,

It’s the best thing anywhere.

 For everybody needs to have friendship,

No matter how many people are in their kinship.

 Bonnie Jean

 July 8, 1991

Another type of friends are the ones that are usually referred to as “Good Weather Friends”. This means that they are only there when things are going good for you. As soon as things start going south, they take off. Some of them may even be the reason why things are not going very well. It isn’t until after they have left, and are no longer in the picture that you realize why they were in your life to start with. They were in your life to teach you a valuable life lesson,  to show you that not all people are good, and not all people can be trusted. Usually these “friends” ( if you want to continue to call them that) are not in your life very long. You realize that when the going became rough, they also got going, right out of your life. They didn’t want to stay around and suffer with you through the bad times. So, in essence, their staying only a short time was a good thing.

There are some times when a person is only in our lives, less than or a little over a year, and they pass away. When this happens, especially to an infant, we can’t help but to wonder why. Then we realize that it was to teach us to love and make attachments to people in a short time. In other words, to take a chance, that it is going to make a difference for us. And once the passing has occurred, we learn how to accept and handle the different stages of grief. In that lesson we learn that different people handle things in different ways and at different speeds. So this is an instance where the person being in our life only for a short time was good for us.

When we move to a new neighborhood, whether it is close to us, or far away from our current residence, we have to exhibit different qualities. These qualities include having courage, having self respect, and having the willingness to make the first step to meet the new neighbors. However, if the neighbor makes the first move to welcome us to the neighborhood, we have to exhibit the same qualities to accept their good will. The people may end up being our new best friends. Even if we only stay in that neighborhood a few years, in that short time we gained a new friend. In everything that we do, we grow and learn new things. The people that are in our lives help us to accomplish the growth that we gain.

We are the only one that has the ability to figure out just why a particular person is or was in our life. Is or was this person in our life to teach us humility and how to show compassion for someone, or to teach us not to be so trusting in people that may be taking us for a spin, so to speak? It’s all up to us individually to figure it out. We have to do our best to have a level head about our decisions, and to live with the decision that we make..

Setting High Goals for Yourself

I have heard this little poem many times, over the years, but until now I never had a copy of it. This should be how we all look at life and challenges. We should not be content to just get by with living everyday just like the one before. We need to challenge our self to do new things and to do what we already do everyday even better. When we reach higher goals that we set, we get a renewed feeling of accomplishment and happiness. Now for the little poem.

The first sentence states that we should – “Be positive, set high goals for yourself and expect the same of others.”

It Couldn’t Be Done

Edgar A. Guest

 Somebody said that it couldn’t be done.                                                                              But he with a chuckle replied                                                                                                    That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one                                                                          Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.                                                                                            So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin                                                                          On his face. If he worried he hid it.                                                                                            He started to sing as he tackled the thing                                                                                That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

  Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;                                                                           At least no one ever has done it”:                                                                                             But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,                                                                       And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.                                                                                 With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,                                                                                   Without any doubting or quiddit,                                                                                               He started to sing as he tackled the thing                                                                                 That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

  There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,                                                                   There are thousands to prophesy failure;                                                                                 There are thousands to point out to you one by one,                                                               The dangers that wait to assail you.                                                                                         But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,                                                                                         Just take off your coat and go to it;                                                                                           Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing                                                                               That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.

 Hopefully this little poem will give you motivation to try to do something that you have never done before. It could be something that you have wanted to do for years, but were always afraid to try. Maybe your fear was the fear of failure. But, like the poem points out, you never know until you try it whether or not you actually have the ability to d it. What have you got to lose? The worst that can happen is that you find that you indeed cannot do it. Even if you do find that out, what have you lost? You are no worse off for trying to do it. But, if by chance you do accomplish the task, then you are better off for having tried to do it. You will have renewed confidence in yourself as well as a huge feeling of achievement. All of your friends will be so impressed. So go try to do something that you have always wanted to do, but were hesitant to do, because you didn’t want to fail. Be like the little train that thought he could. The train kept saying “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” When he was done doing what he thought he could, he said “I thought I could. I thought I could. I thought I could, and I did.” Good luck.

New Year’s Resolutions

New Year’s Eve is when most people make New Year’s Resolutions, and that’s fine. Just don’t beat yourself up about them. This picture from Facebook says it all. You may struggle, but don’t quit, and I added don’t beat yourself up if you don’t make it. As long as you try, and always do your best.

Struggle but don't Quit

I am like most other people on New Year’s Eve, I make New Year’s Resolutions. And like most other people, I seldom ever carry them out through the whole year. I start out like a ball of fire, and end up like a puff of smoke. But, I don’t quit. I keep smoking. Like the picture says, “You may see me struggle, but you will never see me quit.”

My strength may be almost gone, but as long as I have any strength and have breath in me, I will keep trying. But if I don’t succeed, I don’t beat myself up about it. I know that at any given time, I am doing my best. And nobody can expect me to do any better that my best.

You may see me on a day when my strength is weak and think that I am not trying, but believe me, I am giving it all I’ve got for that particular day. You may even tell me that you have seen me do much better than what I am doing at that time. That may be true. The difference is that when you saw me doing much better, my strength was not so weak, but rather strong for that day.

We need to be good to our self. If we aren’t, who will be. Other people tend to be critical when they don’t think that we are doing our best. On those days, I really want to say, “If you think that you can do any better than what I am doing right now, then you need to walk in my shoes for the rest of the day and possibly even the week. You will see I am doing my best.”

None of us ever knows what the other person is going through until we try to put our self in their place. If the other person is in a wheelchair, try to imagine yourself in a wheelchair and consider all of the obstacles that you may face being in that wheelchair. If the other is from a different country, imagine yourself in another country and think about all the problems that you could face. We all just need to be more considerate of each other. But we especially need to be considerate of our self.

Go ahead and make the New Year’s Eve Resolutions, and start the year out trying to accomplish them. Just make ones that are doable and not ones that are astronomical and almost unreachable by anyone. Don’t try to be super human with what you want to accomplish in the new year.

Just think about what I have said. But do have a very Happy New Year!

I even wrote a poem about not quitting, and it won an Honorable mention in a poetry contest. The poem is below.

WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN

Winners never quit and quitters never win,

For if you’re a quitter then you’ve stopped trying and given in.

A fighter never won a fight without delivering a powerful blow

A runner never won a race by running very slow

This is how it goes in everyone’s life

Even in the middle of turmoil and strife

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Is a phrase that helps people do a lot of growing

They say “The best things in life are free.”

And that “No one ever said the way would be easy.”

There are so many different walks in life,

Here too you have to decide what for you will be right.

If by chance the first one you choose doesn’t work,

Don’t be a quitter, but a winner and for another one look.

For you can’t give up if you want to win,

Because winners never quit and quitters never win!

ONE WHO IS GOING TO BE A WINNER!

Bonnie Jean

November 11, 1989

This poem won an Honorable Mention March 31, 1991 from the World Of Poetry.

Being An Overcomer

I am an over comer of many different types of abuse, for many years, while growing up.  I have written numerous poems about all sorts of obstacles that people might face from having been abused. Most of the obstacles are ones that I faced because of having been abused by so many different people in my life. There were so many different poems about these issues and obstacles that I actually have a web site where I have posted quite a few of the poems.

One of the poems is titled “If Kids Don’t Tell”. I wrote it back in 1989. I have copied it below.

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IF  KIDS  DON”T  TELL

If “Kids Don’t Tell”, as has often been said,

That means they close up and hold it inside instead.

Then they life an awful life,

Knowing deep within something isn’t right.

They never seem to fit on anybody’s team.

And they grow up having no self esteem.

For theirs is a life of confusion and pain,

And how from this, can any self-worth be gained.

So they go on like this for many many years,

Always only having heartaches and fears.

And when finally what’s inside, like a volcano does erupt,

This adult/child’s world suddenly turns bottoms up.

So to heartaches and fears gets added shame,

And an even different kind of pain.

There is no way to tell or convince these people that they have any worth,

For with the volcano of memories came a feeling of being dirtier than dirt.

They go through sleepless nights from the nightmares and dreams.

Life keeps getting harder and harder as they feel they’re parting at the seams.

It’s hard to hear what people say without bursting into tears,

To feel that inner rage and not be overcome by fears.

To think that these people have gone through years of a living hell,

Just because it was true, that in many cases “Kids Don’t Tell”.

Bonnie Jean

One Whose Been There

September 23, 1989

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When I wrote the poem, I was going through one of the worst times in my life. The volcano of memories, that I had buried for 20 years, had just erupted. For all intents and purposes, I just shut down. My life consisted of being in the hospital for two weeks at a time, every two to three months, to work on all of the memories.

One of my abusers was a mental health nurse, that worked with the Public Health Department where I lived. I had been taken away from my family because of an abusive step-father. I could not return to them after that. I went to live with the nurse as a live-in-babysitter for her two little girls. I had barely been there two and a half months when she started sexually abusing me too. I went into shock. She was scared that I had died and kept telling me to breathe, blink my eyes, sneeze, just do something to let her know that I was still alive. She promised me that if I would just let her know that I was alive, that she would not “get” me ever again. After what seemed an eternity, I did finally breathe. It was barely two months later when she “got” me again.

At that time, I asked her what she would do if I told on her. She told me that since I was a mental health patient and she was a mental health nurse, all she had to do was to deny it and everybody would believe her over me any day of the week. She went on to say too that I would be committed for the rest of my life if I told on her. Then she warned me not to tell on her by saying, “So if I was you, I wouldn’t try it.” I didn’t tell. I did a total about face turn around, and made her out to be a saint.

I moved out of state when I got married. It was twenty years after the nurse first “got” me when someone started working where I worked that could have been her twin. After three weeks of seeing her everyday, I couldn’t take it anymore. I attempted suicide. So far as I was concerned it would be better for me to be dead than to be committed for the rest of my life. I ended up in coronary intensive care for four days and the final result was an irregular heart beat. The doctors told me that I was very lucky to have survived the attempt.

That was when the two week admissions to the behavioral health center for two weeks every two to three months started. I was put on short term disability at work for six months, and then put on long term disability after the six months was up. The long term disability lasted for four years.

During the time that I was on long term disability, I ended up with asthma, bronchitis, and mico-plasm pneumonia, all at the same time. I was visiting my family at the time. I had to stay an additional two weeks. That was in March and April of 1990, during Easter of that year. When I was allowed to return home, I was being rushed to the hospital every 7 to 10 days with asthma attacks so bad that I couldn’t breathe.

Besides my full-time permanent job, I also had a permanent part-time job. I was working from 60 to 70 hours a week. There was one week that I actually worked a total of 100 hours. Needless to say, you can’t work being rushed to the hospital every 7 to 10 days. On June 9, 1990 I lost both of my jobs. My whole world seemed like it was crumbling in on me. But I persevered. I was an “overcomer”.

A while back I heard the lyrics to a song titled “OVERCOMER” written by MANDISA, and I actually had chills up and down my spine. It was because of all of the trials and tribulations  that I have been through, that the song touched me so immensely. When I first heard it, I knew that some time or another, and some way or another, I had to use it in one of my posts on this web site. Obviously, now is the time. I hope it makes others feel as strong, for having made it through unimaginable trials and tribulations, as what it made me feel.

 

MANDISA LYRICS for Overcomer

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing’s really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He’s not gonna let it get the best of you

[Chorus:]
You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

Everybody’s been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, you’re not alone
Just take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants You to know

[Chorus]

The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
He’s living inside of You
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There’s nothing He can’t do
He’s telling you

(Take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises)

[Chorus]

You’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

So don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

 

Thanks to Kat for adding these lyrics.
Thanks to Kaylie Cross, Anonymous Christian for correcting these lyrics.

Writer(s): David Arthur Garcia
Copyright: D Soul Music, Universal Music – Brentwood Benson Publ. 

Dreams And Hopes

DREAMS  AND  HOPES

You have to have dreams and you have to have hopes,

If you want to continue to live.

Because if you don’t have both of these,

For all intents and purposes you are dead.

Friends and family play a big role,

If these two things you are to have.

You won’t have a life that is whole,

Nor dreams and hopes will you have.

If your friends and family always put you down,

Or never boost you up,

Then to you this thing called life,

Will be a bitter bitter cup.

I know that circumstances

Your life do not control.

But always having bad ones

Don’t help you, the grip on life to keep hold.

Your dreams and hopes can be shattered

Only a certain number of times,

Before on dreams and hopes

You stop holding tight to the line.

There comes a time in everyone’s life,

When anything else bad they cannot take.

They’ve gotten it all back together so many times,

One more time they just could not make.

It isn’t that they are unwilling to try,

It’s just that their will, their hope and their dreams

Have all at the same time run dry.

                    January 16, 1989

Emotional Abuse vs Physical Abuse

Emotional AbuseEmotional abuse versus physical abuse. How are they alike and how are they different?

The photo above was on my Facebook and it really tugged at my heart strings. I left a comment which read, “Physical abuse leaves abrasions and bruises, and possibly visible scars. Emotional abuse leaves a hole in your heart that can’t be filled. I keep hoping that just maybe someday the hole in my heart will be able to be filled. The hurt stays for years.”

Now I will go into further detail about abuse as I see it and as I felt it growing up. For as long as I can remember I have been told many different things over and over again. None of the things that I can remember are positive, unfortunately they are all negative. They started before I was even 4 years old. Here goes the list:

1, You haven’t been wanted since the day it was known that you were going to be. It wasn’t until I learned about the reproduction cycle for females in the fourth grade when I was 9 or 10 years old. I was crushed. My mother had always told me that my real Father had wanted her to fall down the stairs and “lose me”. When I found out about miscarriages I knew what “lose me” meant.

2. You are just a tomboy, you don’t even act like a little girl. Little girls don’t climb trees and shed roofs. I liked to play with the children that were having fun, and it seemed to me that the boys were always having more fun than the girls. And because of my roughness, I was also told that I could wreck a battleship.

3. Since I was very skinny as a little girl, I was called such names as; “Skinny Minnie”, “Olive Oil”, “Bean Pole”, and even “Telephone Pole”. Yes, I laughed at them, but they hurt and I cried when I was alone.

4. You are my backwards child and always do everything wrong. You are so exasperating that you could make a preacher cuss.

5. You are so accident prone it’s not funny. You are just an accident waiting to happen.

6. I wanted to be a nurse when I was growing up, so I took all the courses I needed in high school so that I would be accepted into Nursing School when I graduated from high school. Before it was time to apply to the different schools, I was told that,”You will never make it in nursing school. You better go to business school so that if and when you fail out of nursing school, you will have something to fall back on.” So I went to business school and got a computer programming degree. After graduation, I was so busy paying back the school loan that I never did go to nursing school.

7. I was so depressed about everything that was happening to me, that I was a mixed up mess. My mother told me that a psychiatrist would have a field day with me.

These are the major ones that always come up when I least expect them to. Something totally different can be happening and a conversation get started and turned around and the paths in life that people chose come up. It’s then, that totally unexpected the memories come flooding back.

All emotional scars do not come from things that have been said, they also come from things that are done and not done, but still “speak” very loudly. Growing up, as I said , I was a skinny child with poker straight hair, and threw temper fits and hit my head on the bars of my playpen. I was always in pain from my stomach or bladder, and therefore kept throwing the temper fits. My sister, on the other hand, was pretty and had naturally curly hair, and would sit on a blanket for hours pulling the fuzz and making little fuzz balls between her fingers and sucking her tongue. I was usually dressed in cotton dresses and my sister was dressed in lacy velveteen dresses a lot. She was always being held and fussed over. I was left to fend for myself. I can remember one time when my great Aunt Eunice and Great Uncle Everett were at my grandmother’s house visiting us. They were taking pictures of all of us to keep for later. We had a rocking horse and were told to group around it. My brother was in long pants and a button down the front shirt standing in front of the rocking horse, my sister was in a velveteen dress with lace on it standing beside my brother, and I was sitting on the horse wearing a cotton dress. I had fallen a couple of days earlier and had a skinned up knee. So that people would notice me, I pulled up my dress and showed my skinned knee. When I see that picture to this day, I just want to cry.

It is true that a person can forgive others for things that have been said or done. One thing that most people find almost impossible to do is to forget about the bad things that happen in our life. Possibly this is true because the bad things hurt so much worse than living everyday life. When we are handling life from day to day and not being upset, even if we are extremely happy, unless we are somewhere special like on vacation, we don’t remember all these times as being specific times. However, when bad things happen, they are usually so traumatic for the person that the incident is remembered. Since the bad things are remembered, they tend to resurface whenever something similar happens. With them resurfacing like they do, they are even harder to try to forget. A person has to concentrate everyday not to let these flashbacks take charge of their life. I know that it is very hard to do, and at times, almost impossible to do, but we have to keep trying. As Winston Churchill said in a very famous speech, that I have copied an excerpt from here, “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.” These are very powerful words.

On the same line I wrote a poem about being a winner or a quitter, and have put it here for you to read if you would like to.

WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN

Winners never quit and quitters never win

For if you’re a quitter then you’ve stopped trying and given in

A fighter never won a fight with delivering a powerful blow

A runner never won a race by running very slow

This is how it goes in everyone’s life

Even in the middle of turmoil and strife

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Is a phrase that helps people do a lot of growing

They say “The best things in life are free.”

And that “No one ever said the way would be easy.”

There are so many different walks in life

Here too you have to decide what for you will be right

If by chance the firsr one you choose doesn’t work

Don’t be a quitter but a winner and for another one look

For you can’t give up if you want to win

Because winners never quit and quitters never win

ONE WHO IS GOING TO BE A WINNER

Bonnie Jean

November 11, 1989

This poem won an Honorable Mention March 31, 1991 from the World Of Poetry.

I hope this post helps in some way. I know the struggles, because I have them everyday, just like everybody else. How these struggles affect us depends on how we react to them. I wish everybody the best in their reactions.

 

Everyone Comes With Baggage – and “A Friend’s True Colors” poem

This is David Wolfe‘s photo.

“Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” This makes a lot of sense actually. There is no person alive that does not have some type or another of “baggage”. There is no person alive that does not want to be accepted for who and what they are, be they bad or good. The only way that this is possible is by the other person having unconditional love and acceptance.

The definition of unconditional love (from Google research) is –

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. It can be also love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, complete love, or “mother’s/father’s love.”

When a boy and a girl meet, they form an instant opinion of each other as to whether or not to accept each other as friends. A relationship that will and/or can last a lifetime starts with initial acceptance. Once the two have decided to accept each other, they start getting to know each other better. A part of getting to know each other better is getting to know each other’s characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. All too often the two do not get to know each other well enough before they decide that they “LOVE” each other. When they say “LOVE”, they usually have it in the back of their minds that they want to marry each other, or live together.

A friend and I have written a poem about “A Friend’s True Colors”. The poem is basically about how a friend might react to an emergency situation, and how one might hope the friend would react. The things that are brought out are things to think about when choosing friends, and especially if the friendship could end up a serious and permanent relationship. You can read it at the end of this post.

If you have met someone that you would like to become serious about, then try to find out just how that person feels about the different kinds of things that are your traits, and how you feel about theirs. If either one of you does something that the other just can’t stand, then just maybe you are not meant for each other.

Both of you have to be willing to put up with each other’s “baggage”, no matter whether the “baggage” is good or bad. If you truly love each other enough, then you are willing to put up with whatever “baggage” each other has without planning on “changing” the other person. If you have it in the back of your mind that “after you get married you are going to train them how you want them”, then you are not willing for them to unpack their baggage, and especially not willing to help them unpack it. When this is the case, you are doomed to fail in the relationship.

A Friend’s True Colors

A friend’s true colors you will see,

When someone goes down in front of thee!

Do you stop to give him aid?

Or is a bee line for the door what is made?

Are you just a good weather friend?

Or do you stay through thick or thin?

Are you only there when things are going right?

Do you comfort him through the turmoils and strife?

Are you there for him, no matter what?

Or is a superficial friend all he’s got?

A true friend is one you can count on day or night,

Whether things are bad or going all right.

A true friend will be there come sunshine or rain.

He will cry with you in your losses and rejoice in your gains.

The way it’s said matters not.

As long as a true friend is what you’ve got.

What type of friend are you?

Think about it.

     Written by Bonnie Jean Hern & Vladimir Stafford

     March 8, 2015

     Copyright Loomis Writing Solutions

     Copyright vladimirstafford.com

What I Think My Mother Felt About Me In August Of 1988

There are many things that come to play when I remember having written the poem that follows below. I remembered having been told for as long as I can remember that I was a backwards child, accident prone, an accident waiting for a place to happen, I couldn’t play by myself, that I had a tremendous inferiority complex, and that I could make a preacher cuss. In other words, I was a problem child.

When I tried to tell her the things that were being done to me, she didn’t believe me. Since I was hurting and upset most of the time, I threw temper fits and always tried to get adults to pay attention to me and be affectionate to me, as in give me hugs. When I saw my sister being given affection, and I got none, I cried a lot. This upset my Mother tremendously, but it never resulted in my receiving any hugs. As a result, there was always confrontation when I was around, a fact that added to my families disdain for me. I can remember these things happening back as early as when I was four years old. It seemed like anything bad that could be said about a child was said about me when I was a child. All of these things added together are what made me feel the way I did and therefore the reason for me writing what I wrote in the poem that follows.

A  POEM  MY  MOTHER  MIGHT  HAVE  WRITTEN  ABOUT  ME

Backwards was this child of mine.

Only one to be accident prone all of the time.

Never could do anything on her own.

Never could play all alone.

Inferiority always a part.

Exasperating from the very start.

Bonnie was a problem child indeed.

Made up crazy wants and needs.

She was always selfish and mean.

And with her the other kids didn’t want to be seen.

She was such a clinging vine.

I pushed her away all of the time.

She was so backwards and clumsy in school.

Always wanting affection and attention as a general rule.

She’d cry if you even looked at her straight.

Desirable was something that her you could not make.

She was said by her Nanny to be reserved and shy.

Just another means for affection and attention that she’d try.

She was always mixed up and confused.

And said that she was being sexually abused.

She used this as her biggest scheme.

I found it to be a rather disgusting thing.

She was only four years old.

The first time, to me, this story was told.

She was told the man did her no harm,

And to find something to do, to run along.

She was always wanting kisses and hugs.

I found this annoying and the practice did shrug.

She’s grown now, and on her own.

I mostly talk to her on the telephone.

She comes home on her vacations,

And always causes problems in her relations.

She goes back home when her vacations end,

Until time for her to come back again.

She lives far away in another state.

Now she’s got her own bed to make.

She doesn’t believe what I tell her is true.

When she was growing up, I did the best that I could do.

She’s still mixed up and so confused.

But since she lives by herself, she can’t say she’s being abused.

She’s still my backwards child to this very day.

And until her death I guess it will always be that way.

                         August of 1988

MY  MOTHER’S  ACCEPTANCE

I feel that I shall never know or see,

A time when my Mother really loves and accepts me.

All I’ve been since I have known,

Is my Mother’s backwards one and accident-prone,

I know this fact, true to be, by what she always said to me.

“You haven’t been wanted since the day it was known you were going to be.”

One brother was smart, a sister was pretty,

I was an accident, my other brother was sickly.

She complains I have no self-esteem.

But a light that’s pushed back and covered up can never beam.

I tried to give her a hug and a kiss.

But she pushed me aside and said I was too big for this.

This was hard to accept and understand,

For in my years I was all of ten.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her,

And I was glad that she was mu Mother.

But this was an unimportant fact,

When she told me just to scat.

To my bedroom I went and fell on my bed to cry,

And wished that like my baby sister, I could die.

But death to me did not come,

So somehow I had to go on.

Sexual abuse from a neighborhood man started at the age of four,

But was pushed away and instead hid and cried.

Since my Mother said the man was doing no harm,

My visits to his house continued to go on.

The fact of sexual advances by the man my Mother did shrug.

So I continued to go, for when he had finished, he always gave me a hug.

The extent of the abuse mattered not,

As long as when he was through, a hug I got.

Never underestimate the power of a hug.

It’s more powerful than the most advanced technological spying “bug”.

For it to be so small and easy to give,

Without it some people cannot live.

For a Mother or anyone to give a hug,

Shows of you their acceptance and love.

All my life I have fought the fight.

In the eyes of my Mother I never did anything right.

But God gave me a “special gift”,

By a poem in their time of need, to give others a lift,

But not just in their time of need,

But for my thankfulness and appreciation of them to plant the seed.

And to watch it, how this seed does grow,

When love and acceptance to each other we show.

My Father left when I was barely three,

So acceptance or love by him neither did I receive.

The things called self-esteem and self-worth are not inborn traits,

But positive strokes in early childhood by others a foundation does make.

And if these things are not received,

A hell on earth is what is lived.

As daily you remember your prayers,

You try to show others you love them and you care.

But others come and rob your wealth,

When you are told you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.

You can’t help but to wonder how this can be,

When in you no reason for love or acceptance does your Mother see.

When Jesus commanded us to love others as we love our self,

I think he meant don’t love them less and rob them of any wealth.

For I see love as true riches and wealth,

And it doesn’t have anything to do with esteem or worth of self.

I don’t feel a child is born naturally mean,

But can become that way as a result of many things.

The one influence I feel is stronger than any other,

Is the all important influence of a Mother.

And if a Mother’s acceptance and love cannot be had,

The outlook for this child is questionable and sad.

But for many years, one thing I always felt was true,

Was that I didn’t turn out too bad for all I’ve been through.

Now I feel, that, to myself, I can no longer say,

For things keep getting worse and worse every day.

And even though I’m 36 years old,

The emotions and affections of a child I hold.

Why my inner being with my body has not grown,

Is just now, by me, starting to be known.

When acceptance and love by my Mother I did not receive,

The ability for my emotions and affections to mature, from my body took leave.

Now that to my poems I have returned,

In discussing my desire to have them published, that fact I did learn.

Oh the tears that through the years I have cried.

I will try to recapture and by my Savior have them dried.

For I feel that I shall never know or see,

A time when my Mother really loves and accepts me.

She says that she does, when on the phone her voice I hear.

But it lacks something to make me feel its’ sincere.

And when all of my poems I did reread,

Not one to my real Mother did I see.

For I cannot write a poem if the feeling isn’t there.

Just like I cannot look outside and actually see the air.

Do I really love my Mother, sometimes I wonder so.

Because to me, as a child, love and acceptance she did not show,

Now it occurs to me, maybe how to do it, she simply did not know.

These things that were oh so very deep,

In the innermost sanctums I wanted always to keep,

For when I seriously think about them, I begin to weep.

These were things I never wanted anyone else to know,

For love and kindness was all I wanted to show.

I didn’t want anyone else to know I doubted my love for my Mother,

For the Bible teaches we are to love one another.

It’s hard to admit my real Mother has never been “poemed”,

Now that the time to seriously think about publishing has come.

The poems I wrote about Mama and Mother were so general in deed,

To have something extra to put in a card would fit anyone’s need.

For as long as I can remember my life has been a struggle,

To do good as I wanted, instead of bad, has been a tuggle.

For the mean and bad has always been right at hand,

In numbers equal to a mighty band.

The good has always been right by its’ side,

In numbers so small I’m surprised it didn’t hide.

But David and Goliath, in that mighty fight,

The good never hid but proceeded right in sight.

But somehow now, I think I know and see,

In her own way, my Mother really loves and accepts me.

But even knowing that, it’s almost the same,

For just knowing the fact doesn’t release the pain.

For just the knowledge in your head to know,

Does not help retarded emotions and affections to grow.

For my emotions and affections are about 30 years behind.

It’s going to take a lot of growing to tighten the line.

And all of this is part of a compounded plight,

That didn’t happen and won’t get straightened out overnight.

                         August of 1988

Reflections On A Hard Period In My Life

When I write about the different trials and tribulations in my life, I have to wait until I get a feeling about what I should write. Once the feeling comes, then the thoughts start to take on a meaning for me in so far as what to say to you, my readers. I know that not every reader will have gone through the same things that I have gone through, but there is always a chance that some of my readers will have gone through something similar. It is this reasoning that makes it possible for me to write about the things that I have been through and the things that I have to go through even today. Then again, even if no one has gone through anything even near what I have gone through, you will be able to see that it it possible to go through really hard things and come out victorious on the other side. You may even realize that just maybe whatever you are going through isn’t as bad as you first thought it was to begin with. In other words, like I have always heard people say, “Just look around and you can always see someone going through something even worse than what you are going through, or in worse shape than what you are in.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that what I have been through is worse than what you are going through. I am saying that just maybe it is, and that by reading about me, you will be able to get the strength necessary to get through whatever it is that you are going through. At least this is my prayer. I pray that my readers can draw strength from reading how I was able to get through my hard times.

This post is about how I got through the hardest part of my therapy when all of the memories of my abuse were coming back with a vengeance on an almost daily basis. Once the volcano erupted, I thought the lava would never stop flowing. It seemed like there was nothing that I could do that didn’t remind me of some abuse or another that I went through. I would see something on television that would remind me of abuse from some of the neighborhood men. Maybe the next day I would hear people talking about a little girl that was hospitalized from a beating from her father and it would remind me of the beatings that my first step-father used to give me.

As if the memories weren’t bad enough, my therapist would assign me different things to read or shows to watch to make the memories come back. He knew that if I did not process the memories and how they made me feel that I would never be able to get better. It seemed like I was on a never ending roller coaster. The memories would even come back in my dreams as nightmares. It seemed that no sooner would I start feeling better about what I had been through and what had happened to me than more and even worse memories would come back. During this time, I wrote many, many poems. My writing the poems seemed to help me tremendously with getting my feelings out. Every poem that I wrote, I would let my therapist read. Before too long, he would even assign me topics to write poems about.

During the time in between my therapy sessions, I wrote many poems on topics that he assigned me. He wanted to make sure that I got in touch with all of the topics necessary to deal with the main types of memories that abused patients would go through. For a period of about two years, I was in the mental hospital every two or three months for ten days to two weeks at a time. During my hospital stays, my therapist would assign me one or two topics to write poems on everyday. We would go over them the next day when he would come for my sessions.

The poem that follows was written during this initial hard time of memories flooding back. When reading the poem, some people have thought that I was talking about Jesus in the poem. I have reread it several times and I can see where that is possible. But at the time that I wrote the poem, I was talking about my therapist. When all the memories came flooding back, I felt like I was too dirty, because of all of the things that had happened to me, for God or Jesus to care about me at all, let alone for them to love me. During that time, I did do a lot of praying, but I felt like I was too bad for them to even be heard, let alone to be answered. Of course I know that if it weren’t for God and Jesus, that I never would have made it through everything that I went through. When you read the poem, if you want to substitute God or Jesus for the places where I am talking about the person, it is fine with me. I guess that at that time, in a way, I felt like my therapist was my savior since I was too bad for God or Jesus to love me or forgive me for what had happened. This is a common feeling for people that have been so severely abused as I was, especially when the abusers tell their victims that it is because they (the child) are so bad that what is happening to them has to happen and for them not to tell. I hope the poem is helpful for you when you read it.

A  TUB  AT  SEA

My life is like being in a tub at sea,

And there”s no one around as far as the eye can see.

All of a sudden, from nowhere there appears some big boats,

But me in my tub so small, they don’t even see me afloat.

The little tub rocks with every wave,

As I hope and pray that I’ll be saved.

Then I see land, like a beautiful picture so large,

But my excitement leaves me, when I realize it was only a mirage.

So when the next time I see a little boat,

I try not to build up too much hope.

But he sees me out there, giving it my best,

Like when students take a very hard test.

He sees that I’m starting to take on water fast,

And he knows I’ve got to start bailing it out, if I’m going to last.

I look in his direction, at his outstretched hand,

And there I see he’s holding a little pan.

I take it and turn, but he says,”wait, there’s more.”

So once again I look, and he’s holding out some oars.

I am very surprised and don’t quite know what to do.

This is all too good, it can’t really be true.

Then he tells me there’s nothing that I can do or say,

That will ever make him turn and go away.

So I bail out the water and i pick up the oars,

But before he can tell me how to use them, the water has come in more.

But he is very patient, as again I bail the water out.

He doesn’t put me down, or get angry and shout.

He just silently sits there until I’m through,

And says he’d help if he could, but it’s all what I myself have to do.

So once again I’m finished and I’m ready for my class,

And once again I start taking on water fast.

But this water isn’t coming from an outside force,

it’s coming from the bottom, inside, with a tremendous force.

It seems as fast as I can bail it out, it comes gushing right back in,

And the little boat stays, with him saying, “Don’t lose hope. Someday you will win.”

 I keep trying to tell him, that doing all this work, to keep my little tub a float,

Is taking all my strength and there’s nothing left with which to hope.

But he just continues to stay there, right by my side,

To help me to come through all the waves, no matter how high.

Bonnie Hern

                    May 3, 1989