There is a saying, that probably everybody has heard at one time or another, and it is, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never harm me.” This is true in the sense that words cannot break your bones, but the part that they cannot harm you is false. Words can harm a person in ways that cannot be seen. They cause mental and emotional scars that can only be felt on the inside by the person that they were said to.
Nine times out of ten the hurtful words are said by someone that has been hurt badly. This person wants someone else to hurt just as bad as they do. Many, if not most bullies start out this way. There are many reasons why the bully may be hurting, and there will always be reasons that can never be known by another person, because the bully doesn’t trust anyone enough to tell them what is bothering them. It is possible that they may not even know or fully realize the reason them self. It could be that all they know is that they are hurting and they want to hurt someone else. This in no way gives this person the right to bully someone else, but bullies don’t care about rights.
Bullying is the ultimate form or criticism, and can be worse than criticism if and when it turns physical. Not only is the person that is doing the bullying a very unhappy person, but they do not have a very good self image, self esteem, self worth, whatever you want to call it. They are also very unstable, and that being the case, they could become violent at any time. Granted the person may boast of doing great things and having many material possessions, but chances are that it is all false, and this person is bullying you to make him or her self feel big, and by feeling big they feel better.
For some reason, whenever one person can make another person feel bad about them self, then that person feels good about them self. By the same token, when the bully actually becomes physical, they feel strong and that makes them feel superior. I know that it is hard not to pay attention to the bully, but try your best not to let the bully know that they are making you feel bad and/or that you are scared of them. If they have hurt you physically, or threatened your life, CALL THE POLICE!!!!!
I have seen too many videos done by family members of people that were bullied and couldn’t take it and they committed suicide. It is not worth losing your life over a bully. You may think that whatever the bully does must be OK because they have so many people following them and doing whatever the bully wants them to do. The true fact is probably that the followers are the victims of the bully also. Apparently they can’t find a way to make the bully stop bullying them so as a result they follow the bully and do anything that the bully tells them to do. After all, if they are doing just what the bully tells them to do, how can the bully be upset with them and keep bullying them? The bully has won his control over them.
Please try to be strong and not let the bully take control of your life. Being the so call it slave to the bully is not a very good life to live. If people could find a way to stand up to the bully, then maybe the bully would have to stop all of his bullying, because possibly so many people would find that they could stand up to the bully and not be controlled by him. When too many people are not afraid of him and making him feel big and important, he no longer has a reason to be a bully. Enough about bullies.
Now to criticism. There are two types of criticism, just out and out criticism, usually given out by people that are just plain judgemental and critical of others, and what is called constructive criticism.
All the first type of person knows how to do is to criticize others and be judgemental of them. For the most part, they are just blowing off steam. I listen to what they are saying and then just go about my business. I try to chalk their criticism up to them just having a bad day, or that all they know how to do is to be critical of other people. Then I go about my way and continue like I was before.
The second type of criticism comes from people that truly want to help other people out. They usually mainly try to point out thing to others that they perceive will help the other person in some way or another. I have found that for the most part, it is usually family members or friends that will give the constructive criticism. Some times bosses or supervisors will give employees constructive criticism to help them with their job duties.
Some examples of constructive criticism may be:
- Telling the other person a shorter or easier way to do a specific job, such as folding towels or sheets. The one making the comment may have noticed the other person having a hard time trying to figure out how to fold the sheets to make them fit in the space that they have to fit in. They may feel that by telling the other person a few different ways to fold them, one will be the correct way to make the sheets fit in the necessary space where they need to go.
- An older adult showing a younger adult the proper way to wash clothes. The younger person could be taking up housekeeping for the first time and not know some of the secrets to washing clothes that assure a clean wash. For example spraying stain remover on any clothes that have stains on them, because once the clothes go through the dryer, the stains will be set in on the clothes. Letting the younger person know that making sure that socks, underclothes, and other clothes will get cleaner if they are turned right side out. This is especially true for socks. If socks are left inside out, after they are washed and turned right side out, dirt may actually fall on the floor from where they did not come clean because of being wrong side out.
- The older person may point out that folding clothes while they are still warm will prevent the clothes from looking like they have been slept in. If clothes are allowed to remain in the laundry basket after they have been dried, then they will become very wrinkled, therefore the look of having been slept in. Hopefully these examples will show you what I mean by constructive criticism by family or friends. When a boss gives constructive criticism, it is usually to help the employee be able to perform a job more efficiently, not to be mean to the employee. The boss may simply show the employee how to eliminate one or more steps out of a process from the way that the employee is currently doing the task. By eliminating that one or more steps, it is possible that quite a bit of time will be saved, and also be lowering the risk of a error taking place during the extra step or steps that the employee was doing. Hopefully this article will be helpful to quite a few people. Handling criticism is hard for many many people, so don’t be ashamed if it is hard for you. Just next time, try to remember some of the things that I have pointed out here,