There are some days that just look around me and and rather disturbingly remember thoughts that I had as I was growing up. These are thoughts that I had both as a child from six years old to around twelve years old and as an adolescent from thirteen years old to about nineteen years old.
I can vaguely remember looking at people and thinking different things about them, with part of my thoughts arising from what I had heard grown-ups saying. These thoughts included such things as thinking wrongly about people that were either dirty or very sloppily dressed. Their clothes would be dirty and in disrepair in addition to being either too big or too small for the person wearing them. I always thought that they should be ashamed of them self for wearing such bad looking clothes outside. After all, that was what my Mother and Grandmother would say to us if we put on something ripped, too big for us, or too small for us. Since our clothes were put in a really tall hamper every night, there was no way to put on dirty clothes.
Besides clothes, I also had thoughts about being skinny and/or being fat. Here again, “little pictures have big ears”. even if children don’t say what they hear, they sure do think it. If a person was skinny, then “they must be poor and can’t afford very much food to eat.” And on the other hand, if a person was too fat and their stomach was sticking out, then “they just don’t care about how they look at all.” “They need to stop eating so much and start exercising. If they can’t afford to go to a gym, then they at least need to start walking some. to start out, go once or twice around the block and build it up until they are walking at least a mile a day.”
These are things most children grow up hearing quite a bit of the time. I think that the reason that the parents, grandparents, or whoever is in charge say all of these things is so that the children won’t do them and therefore will go into adulthood dressing, eating, and exercising like they should.
Unfortunately, hearing these things on a regular basis doesn’t just teach the children to grow up into the correct kind of adult, it also teaches them that it is OK to be judgemental. I say this because that is exactly what these statements are, is judgemental.
There is a specific reason for this post and that is to try to point out to some adults that may not be aware of just what kind of an influence what they say is having on their children. During my childbearing years, I was never fortunate enough to have any children of my own, so I just was able to enjoy other people’s children.
I know parents don’t purposefully intend to teach their children to be judgemental, but all parents and adults need to think a little bit harder and longer before they speak. they should ask them self, “Is what I am about to say going to be positive to and about all concerned?” This means, “Is it going to do the one hearing it any good?”, and further more “Is it going to be complementary to the person that is being talked about?”