In this post I am going to write some verses and different things that I have heard, through the years, that really made me stop and think. When different things happen to me or to my friends, some of these verses come back to me and that in turn makes others, that may not be related to the original situation, come back as well. Below you will find the ones that have been running through my head lately. Maybe they will make you stop and think too.
Satan is a monster of such awful means,
That to be hated needs but be seen.
But seen too oft, with familiar face,
We first endure, and then embrace.
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
(I saw this on a cloth bag someone was carrying.)
What you think,
What you feel,
What you imagine,
Now, I’m going to talk about regrets. We all have had them, and for as long as we live, from time to time, we will continue to have them. They are inevitable. We cannot avoid them. None of us is perfect. We are going to say something that we shouldn’t say, do something we shouldn’t do, go somewhere we shouldn’t go, or just the opposite we won’t speak up when we should, we won’t do something that we need to do when it needs to be done, or we won’t go someplace where we should go. And when it is all said and done, we regret whichever of those things above that we are guilty of.
Most of the time, we can make amends for whichever one we are guilty. We can apologize for saying something wrong or doing something wrong, or just the opposite., we can apologize for not doing or saying whatever it is that we were supposed to do or say.
I say most of the time, because you cannot make amends whenever the other person has passed away. It never fails, whenever we are upset with someone else, or just don’t like them for whatever reason, and we stay away from them, avoiding them like the plague so to speak, that when they pass away, we experience that pang of guilt.
That pang of guilt I talk about could very easily have happened to me. When I was growing up, I had two step-fathers. My real Father had left when my Mother was expecting her fourth child. She married my first step-father when I was 9 years old. He drank quite a bit, but never would admit that he was an alcoholic. I didn’t like to eat many things, and would get a beating when we were eating, if it was something that I didn’t like. He would also beat me whenever he got drunk. As a result, I stayed angry at my Mother for not protecting me from him. I even went so far as to say that I wouldn’t even be very upset if my Mother was to die. Well, she was diagnosed with breast cancer in January of 2000 or 2001, I can’t remember which. They did surgery and removed the cancerous lump, and apparently they got it all, because she hasn’t had any problems since then. It was at that moment when I realized that I would indeed be upset if my Mother passed away. Since then, my Mother and I have had a good relationship. Every year I went to see her and my second step-father (“Pop”), until I no longer had a car. Every time I had surgery, my Mom and “Pop” came to stay with me and help me until I was back up on my feet. I no longer have a car, and Pop passed away in 2011, but I still keep in touch with my Mom. She lives with my sister, and I call to talk to her. I got to spend two weeks with her last year when my sister and brother-in-law went on a trip, and I took care of my Mom while they were gone. I got to see the rest of the family that lives around the area too. It was a really nice trip. Now I no longer have any regrets like I would have had had I not resolved things about my Mom.
Whenever I think about regrets, I can’t help but to think about the song that Frank Sinatra wrote, and made famous when he sang it, “My Way”. It starts out the end being near and facing the final curtain. He goes on about all that he has done, and then brings up about having regrets. That little part goes; “Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without redemption”
This goes to show that even very important people can have regrets. But as he says he saw them through.
What I am trying to say or ask is, is there anybody that you are upset or angry with to the point that you won’t talk to them or go to see them? And if so is it worth it to the point that you would feel badly if they were to pass away? If you would feel badly if they were to pass away, then you need to do something about resolving whatever it is that has you so upset with them. Life is too short to spend it being upset with any family member or friend that has said or done something to upset you. Try to get back on good terms with them. If the person has medical issues where they don’t know who you are, don’t stay away for that reason, go to see them anyway. You know them and that is all that counts. You may end up visiting on a day when they do recognize you. Once they have passed away, it’s too late then to make amends. All you will have is regrets, remorse, and guilt about not going to see them or at least trying to talk to them. It may haunt you for the rest of your life. Then you will have the “If only I would have gone to see (fill in the blank)“, thoughts.
I know people who this has happened to. They don’t like a grandmother or grandfather, or great aunt or great uncle, or whoever it may be, so they won’t go see them or talk to them. Next thing you know, the person is at death’s door with only a few hours to live and they don’t know anybody, then they pass away and you didn’t even see them for that one last time. Your heart hurts, you are full of sadness, and your eyes swell up with tears. You are having regrets for not going to see them, but it is too late. Don’t let this happen to you. Just seriously think about it. Is worth it to regret it for the rest of your life, that you and whoever did not reconcile your differences? I don’t know about you, but it’s not worth it to me.
I am so glad that I had some good years with my Mom before my Pop passed away and she withdrew into herself. When she woke up and found him next to her, cold as ice and stiff as a board, she just withdrew. All she would say is “I don’t know what I’m going to do, I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Pop died in his sleep from a diabetic coma. My Mom called 911, hoping that he could be revived, but that wasn’t to be. The rescue squad said he had passed early in the night, for the amount of stiffness that he had.
My Mom has stayed with my older brother, and then my sister, back and forth, since Pop passed away. If Pop had have been my real Father, I never would have had a step-father to begin with. I loved him so much, and will miss him until the day I myself die.
Moral of the post is “Life is too short to spend it having regrets when a loved one or friend passes away, after having been estranged from them, because of an argument or misunderstanding.”